


The Happy, Sexless, No-Lovey-Dovey-Stuff Marriage

by RainbowArches



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aromantic/Asexual Marriage, Douglas Adams, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 14:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2814563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowArches/pseuds/RainbowArches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because they figured, eh, why not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Happy, Sexless, No-Lovey-Dovey-Stuff Marriage

He’s in the conference room, which doubles as the break room, when she first sees him, sitting at the table, eyes closed, massaging his temples. She’s seen that look on many people since graduating- _why am I here? Why do I surround myself with these people? Who am I? What am I doing with my life?_ Never in relation to her, thankfully, though she knows other people have had her looking like that, and she’s only been here a year. But she’s never seen it so authentically executed as what she’s seeing now. The man is middle aged, probably wearing the same suit he wore yesterday, and half his hair has gone grey. He looks like someone gave him a headache twenty years ago and it never went away. It’s beautiful. This man makes harassed bureaucrat an art form.

“You must be Felix Blake,” she says as she sits next to him.

He opens his eyes and unfolds a little. “What gave it away?”

His voice is not what she expected. He doesn’t drone. He sounds mellow, but not devoid of all energy.

“I heard you were the least neurotic person here. I figured look for the man with the migraine.”

His mouth forms a half-smile. She did not expect to get one so quickly. He struck her as a man who was so done with people forever. Now she thinks he just wants to talk to someone who isn’t demanding something from him and isn’t an idiot. Anyway, the smile is enough to take a few years off him, and she gets a glimpse of the cute, amiable bookworm she pegs his younger self for.

“Maria Hill?”

“Yes.”

“Thought so. A lot of sensible young women work here, but none of their I.D.s says Maria Hill.”

Maria flicks the I.D. pinned to her uniform. “If you want to do it the easy way. Sensible, huh? We have not been talking to the same people.”

“The egomaniacs hang out by the water-cooler.”

“So I’ve learned.” She’s had the pleasure of commanding a few of them on missions. It was a learning experience for all of them.

Felix stands up and goes to pour them each a cup of coffee. “You’re new, right?”

“Not so much anymore. About a year.”

“Really?” He sits back down and places her mug in front of her. “That long? Drakes is still alive and kicking, then? I don’t know; I don’t get out much.”

“Yeah, he’s still kicking, and I hope he stays kicking for a long time. You know, for the record.”

“I think you’re getting promoted tomorrow. Or never. You shouldn’t have said that.”

Maria raises her eyebrows. “Is this place jinxed?”

“I think so. Don’t you ever feel like that? Sometimes I feel like I’m in a Douglas Adams novel and I’m the character the universe hates.”

She laughs. “That’s a good way to put it. There is something kind of ‘Arthur Dent’ about you.”

“That’s nice of you. I’ve also been compared to the manically depressed robot.”

She snorts and he does another half-smile.

 

Felix is approached by Pierce and Fury on separate occasions. He’s twenty and doesn’t buy what either of them is selling; Pierce is too preachy, Fury, too theatrical. They keep pitching a spy movie, a chance to protect people and do good in the world, not realising he’s no James Bond wannabe. His high school counselor suggested for him a career as a social worker, and he’d gone to college with lots of ideas pertaining to that line of work. He’s not sure how he ended up on Shield’s radar. Pierce wants him because he excels at everything he sets his hand to. Fury wants him because he’s steadfast and practical. Felix didn’t think those things were a big deal. He excelled at academia because it was the convenient thing to do, but he didn’t enjoy it. There were very few school subjects he actually enjoyed. And he was steadfast and practical because where would he get being flighty and wishy-washy? Who cares?

Fury was the one who figured out how to spin it to his liking. Felix lived with his three aunts and older sister. He could forgive his sister for being overprotective; he supposed that was normal. It was his aunts. Did they have to be so nosy? They were _really_ nosy. And controlling. He didn’t know where they got it from. He couldn’t remember his mother being so overbearing. He was always slightly bitter towards his sister for marrying straight out of high school and leaving him alone with them. He didn’t blame her though. It was the only way she could leave. That sort of thing didn’t come so easily to him though. He just didn’t get that way about people. He’d asked out friends before, the ones he thought he was supposed to be sexually and romantically attracted to because they were so close. Dating was awkward and uncomfortable. His aunts wanted to know _why couldn’t he do it right? How about we set you up with someone? What do you mean you don’t like her? Are you gay? Why aren’t you married yet? Your sister was married by now?_ And that was just his love life. They were also extremely invested in his academic and professional life. It was distracting. And they always sounded so shrill and angry.

“I could take you away from all this,” Fury says.

“Let’s go.”

Shield hid him well. He hasn’t seen his family in over twenty years.

 

Maria quite enjoys being taken seriously. Her dad had never wanted anything for her but a husband and children. Maria always regarded that life the same way she regarded make-up; she didn’t need it, she didn’t particularly want it, she’d wear it if she had to, but she didn’t have to. Her dad was a football coach. She loved football. She was really good at it. Her dad recognized and appreciated her talent, but he always thought of her as exceptional from other girls in that sense, and didn’t encourage it the same way he did for her brothers. It was impressive, but unladylike. Maria had a lot of female friends, eye-catching, flirtatious and popular, and they all liked to wrestle with guys in the mud too. Sure, a family was just as good an end-game as any other, but why was it the only one people wanted for them?

Maria didn’t know what she wanted, but she knew herself well-enough that married life would not be enough for her, even if she were interested. She could go into football; she had the energy for it. She was often praised for her initiative and leadership skills. She considered joining any company and just climbing the ladder there. She was a gifted maths student, but couldn’t think of anything interesting to do with that. She could also play the flute. She ended up joining the military, only to be approached by Shield a short time later.

She liked Shield for integrating sexes whenever possible. With five men and five women at the shooting range, no one could tell Maria that she was pretty good for a girl. She was good because she got the best score of that group of men and women.

Maria was climbing the ladder fast. That didn’t surprise her. She knew Fury picked her out to be his deputy director when Drakes either retired or died. She wasn’t in the academy for long; she wanted to attend to get a feel for how things worked before jumping right in, but the whole process took too long for Fury’s taste, and they both agreed it was unnecessary, so she graduated early. Drakes was her S.O., and she was leading missions before long. Sure, some guys had problems taking orders from her, either because she was new or because she was a woman, but she had the respect of many of her colleagues. Her dad didn’t like her being here. It was too dangerous for her little girl. She suspected her brothers were jealous.

Maria is very good, and people respect that.

 

Maria cautiously sips her coffee, in case Barton made it. Nope. Fury or Coulson must have been in recently. She takes a bigger gulp. “So what has you hiding in here?”

Felix shrugs like it’s obvious. “What has _you_ hiding in here? It’s an empty room, right? That’s all it needs to be.”

“Well, not empty anymore.”

“Nah, but this is fine.”

 

Felix is an astrologer. He loves to stargaze. He loves reading, especially science fiction and murder mysteries, as long as it’s funny; occasionally he’ll read a bit of philosophy. He watches documentaries and historical fiction. He does crossword puzzles. He’ll take a walk through the park because he believes taking time to stretch your legs and enjoy the fresh air is healthier than a strict physical regimen. He makes good stir-fry. He often doodles his dream car in the margins of anything. He likes to design tattoos, though he never had the nerve to get one. He can play the piano, though he doesn’t own one, and he likes to go to music stores and just browse. He listens to a lot of soft jazz and classical, and a little bit of classic rock. He has learned to love his work and the people he works with, no matter how irritating they become, and he loves hanging out with Maria Hill.

Maria still plays the flute sometimes. She does Sudokus. She likes graphic novels. She likes designing dresses. She bakes her own bread rather than buying it because it tastes a lot better. She has a guilty love for reality T.V. She likes to watch whatever game is on and even manages to find time to play football with her friends once in a while. She loves pop music. She likes to go to the ballet. She likes woodworking and has made all of her own bookcases, a foot stool, and a few chairs. She likes cross-stitching, though it takes her even longer now; it’s her version of fanfiction. She jogs when she’s pent up. She’s a huge believer in massage therapy. Sometimes she likes to eat cake and drink wine in a bubble bath. She collects candles and snow globes. She likes jigsaw puzzles, which she does bit by bit until they’re done, and then she hangs them on the wall. She’s surprised and pleased at the sort of friends she’s made at work. She loves hanging out with Felix Blake.

These are the things they’d rather do instead of sleep together.

 

They don’t talk about it, but people often ask them if they’re dating. They didn’t realise they appeared that close. “Of course we’re not dating,” they say. For much the same reasons they don’t sleep together.

 

They go to the ballet sometimes. They go to the movies sometimes. They get coffee together sometimes. They share the crossword puzzle and the Sudoku every morning. Maria discusses football and celebrity news. Felix discusses old rock stars and star signs. They recommend reading material for each other. Felix buys her a new puzzle and Maria accidentally has him collecting dragon figurines. That’s what friends do. They are as close to each other as they are comfortable getting with anyone. They are each other’s favorite person, but they are not in love.

 

“So, you guys have to get married. Sorry.”

Fury never gave a crap about anyone’s sexual or romantic orientation. Maria has always appreciated that about him. She feels a little annoyed that he’s apologizing for the nature of the mission. It implies that they’re too immature to handle it or something. It’s just pretend; no big deal. She and Felix fit the description of the couple they need, and their expertise is suitable for the mission. No need to apologize.

He pushes the file with all the necessary information towards them. Maria holds it so that she and Felix can flip through it together.

“Simple enough,” Fury says. “Should be in and out; over in a week. Be ready to leave as soon as possible.”

 

They’re on a swingers cruise. They were beginning to accept Fury’s apology. They had nothing against the idea generally; this is how some couples have fun. Fine. But they really don’t want to be here. Luckily they are both flirty enough to not spoil things for everyone else, and they have a mission to distract them from the atmosphere.

Sharing a bed is interesting. They opt not to do that again if they can help it. Neither of them are disruptive sleepers, but they like their space when they sleep. Then there’s the undressing thing. They’re not body conscious, but they feel that seeing each other naked is crossing a line in their friendship, so they keep their backs turned.

It’s the only time they feel awkward around each other, but they get over it. Luckily the idea of this cruise is not to be joined at the hip. They get back into their usual swing when they spot their target and complete the mission. They celebrate with a dinner and some expensive wine.

“You two make an attractive couple,” someone comments.

They roll their eyes at each other and laugh. There’s no way they’re participating on this cruise, but they’re starting to enjoy themselves anyway.

 

Felix ponders his wedding ring, a cheap one specifically for the mission, on the cab ride home. Maria looks up from her magazine and catches him at it.

“Cold feet?” she jokes. “And I thought things were going so well.”

He holds his hand out, showing her the ring. “Looks good on me, don’t you think?”

She holds her hand out, the one with the ring, next to his. “Hm. It does look nice. Wouldn’t take much to legalise the paperwork either. Does that scare you?”

They stare at each other for a moment, Maria challenging, Felix considering.

“No,” he says.

Maria nods. “Hm,” she says, like he’s just given her a fun fact, and turns back to her magazine.

 

They do discuss it further. They could get a house together, and everyone’s assumptions that they were married would be correct. No one would question the nature of their relationship, because they looked like a white, middle-class heterosexual couple who were happy together, and they wouldn’t be entirely wrong. They’d have someone to come home to at the end of the day. Sure, they didn’t have to be married to have that, but the idea of some sort of official partnership other than a professional one sounded appealing. No one but them would understand it, but that was fine. There was also the nagging suspicion that they were doing exactly what their families expected of them, but they pushed it away. This would be for them, not them. They would do this their way.

And they do. There’s no wedding; they just want to sign the paperwork and get it done. They don’t tell people about it like it’s a big deal; their friends are curious about it, but they don’t make it a big deal either, which they appreciate. They don’t even think of themselves as husband and wife, though they do eventually get used to introducing each other that way. Their marriage feels like an inside joke and its fun.

They have separate bedrooms because they need their own private space. They also have their own bathrooms. They’ve learned not to interfere when the other is in the kitchen. Felix is not allowed to touch the remote. Maria is not allowed to touch the radio. It takes some getting used to, but they manage, and they don’t regret a thing. They like the companionship. They don’t work together much and they’re not at home a lot, but they love talking with each other and being together, and their temperament is similar enough that if one needs time alone, the other isn’t bothered.

 

Drakes dies of natural causes at a very old age, older than any other working Shield agent. He would have been mad about that; he’d wanted to die in action. Felix goes to check on Fury and Hill, Drakes’ closest living friends, the night after the memorial. Fury is passed out at his desk. Felix pages Coulson to come stay with him. Maria is sitting on the couch, staring glumly into space. Felix helps her up and hugs her.

Maria doesn’t respond at first. She’s not surprised, even though Felix has never hugged her before; he isn’t the hugging type. It’s just been taking her a while to find the energy for anything today. Eventually she manages to hug back. She doesn’t cry; she doesn’t have it in her. They stay like that until Coulson arrives for Fury, and Felix takes Maria home.

 

Maria is the deputy director now. She and Fury were both missing a friend and mentor, which sometimes made the job easier and sometimes made it harder. Maria didn’t have the age and experience that Fury looked up to, but she was blunt and honest and direct, an approach that was needed with Fury which Drakes had been reluctant to take. She knew Fury appreciated that about her.

The job was scary. Missions were scary, especially when she was leading them. She didn’t go on a lot of missions anymore. This was a whole other kind of pressure. Her decisions were different, bigger. She was never scared to argue with Fury, but if he decided to listen to her, she had better be right. Fury said that when he decided not to listen to her, he had better be right. That made her feel more comfortable, but not less scared.

Felix thinks she’s constantly on the verge of a panic attack, and will randomly appear with a paper bag for her to breathe into. She laughs because she thinks he’s kidding. He’s not kidding, but he’s glad he can cheer her up.

 

“I can’t believe it,” Maria says, her eyes going wide in excitement.

Felix sags. “What?” He’s pretty sure he knows what’s coming.

S P Y     T 

E           A

R E T U R N

P           G

E Y E S  E

N           T

T

S E C R E T

“Seven letter word!” Maria exclaims. “I’ve never done that before!”

“Aw, come on. And we’ve been getting such bad letters.”

 

“To be fair, that robot’s got some of the best lines in the book. And at least you’re not the computer.”

“That’s true,” Felix concedes. He takes a sip of his coffee, prepared for the recycled feel of Barton’s brew, and is pleasantly surprised to taste the fresh roasted flavor of Fury or Coulson’s preference. “I think the whole idea of fate has me stressed.”

“Yeah. I suggest you let go of that idea. There no use going through life thinking the universe hates you. That’s what people are for.”

“Deep.”

“I know, right?”

She smirked and he chuckled. She liked the way he sounded when he did that.

“Well,” he says, slapping his lap bracingly. “I’ve got people to deal with.” He stands up. “It was nice talking with you. I’m sure I’ll see you here again soon enough.”

“Oh, probably,” she agrees, shaking his hand. “Good luck.”

“Good luck yourself.”


End file.
